Old Dominion, NC -- (Reuters, 2/7/07) Lenoir-Rhyne University's Faculty Senate overwhelmingly voted a salary decrease for itself today after the school's Finance Committee submitted a plan that would help the administration's alleged cash flow problems and simultaneously increase benefits for faculty by offering elegibility for Federal Food Stamp subsidies.
"Everybody seemed pretty happy with the plan all around," said a smiling Pedro Greenspan, the University Vice President of Finance and Planning. The Finance Committee reportedly discovered, after some calculating, that by lowering faculty salaries only marginally, they would enable a large majority of faculty families to take advantage of sizeable off-sets in the form of Federal Food Stamp subsidies."We'll actually come out way ahead by getting Food Stamps compared to those 'nickle-and-dime' half-percent annual salary increases we usually get," said a faculty member who asked not to be identified.
Undisclosed sources tell the LR Onion that 75-80 percent of LR faculty will be eligible for Federal Food Stamps with the anticipated salary cuts.
Lenoir-Rhyne University President, John Wayne Peyton, could not be reached for comment. His office manager was seen smiling broadly, however, after office hours this afternoon.
"Things are looking up for the future of the University," said Greenspan.
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